Just a thought

When i tell people how much i treasure a friendship or relationship or how i'm expecting them to treat me...i always get the same respond. "Why are you guys so together or bound with each other? Can't u guys just do your own stuff and go on with your own live?" To me, that's all I have. I need them to keep me strong and makes me feel like I belong here. This is who I am. If I think you're a nice person, i'll be nice to you and keep you close. I trusted you but how much can you actually trust someone? My sis always tell me how naive I am and I think i'm not. That's what I think but i slowly began to learn the dirty side of reality. It hurts to know this. Should I be precautions when i talk to my friends? Should i not show who i am or my weak side to them? This can be really uncomfortable to me. I can't pretend to be fine and put on a mask just to have friends around me. Maybe i'm just another hypocrite who is scared to be alone. To be someone who people don't even care about. I hate it when they tell me people do change. I know. But i just hate it. Why can;t they be the same? Why can;t we be how we used to be? The lost of innocence is the new identity to everyone. I just need this innocence from a sincere person. I need this to tell me things will be really fine when it;s not. At least it will be convincing to me rather than hearing it from the pretender. When i'm tired of pretending, i'll be so mean. SOmetimes i hate myself for being this way. I'm such a jealousy person who thinks too much and always revenge when i have the chance. Why am i so ugly? It makes me sick. I'm sick.