Here I Am Again

Dear blog,

I guess you're my only sanctuary now. I don't even know if it's a good thing that i'm back again or i'm just as pathetic as last time. For the past one year, I've been really down and that's the worst year of my life. I feel like I was in this black hole where I can't seem to find my peace. I was lost and I admit that i make a huge mistake for a moment of my life. And here I am now, heartbroken, once again. This ldr i'm facing its another torture to me. I can't believe i'm actually in this situation. I've been telling myself never date someone who's gonna leave you but life just like to fuck me up. When i experience my first heartbreak, it was really bad for me. When that person left, i literally feel like i lost part of me and then, from that moment, I only realized how important was that person to me. The saying is right, you only learn to appreciate something when you have lost it. I'm not perfect and i know it. I'm screwed up in someway but i'm trying to change. I'm trying not to choose the wrong path again whenever i'm sad. I'm just a normal person who can't stand loneliness. I don't even know if I can do this anymore. What if I've never met this guy? What if he could have deserve someone better? They say if the woman is there to encourage his man, always be there when the guy is down, then that woman is a keep. I know i'm not that woman and that hurts me a lot. I'm losing my faith. Things were so different back then. I know i love him but am I good enough for him..I really don't deserve him. I'm always there to hurt him...the past is just too much to digest. I dont even know if i should let him go and set him free from this pain.