Best Friend

As people grow up, they'll begin to change and develop in different ways. Sometimes they'll part in a different directions but sometimes they'll remain by your side. So what do you consider as best friend?

For me, i used to have 2 "best" friends but things become ugly and now we don't even talk to each other. Because of this, i met with another 2 girls who faced almost the same situation as mine..At that moment, we understand each other pain and that has brought us closer for few years. And now, i'm confused about the term "best friend".

I can't even talk to them about my problems because I'm not sure if they will understand how I feel and sometimes, I know they have their issues too. So i took a step back and just put a smile on my face while inside of me is like a tornado going on.. You can say i'm self pity and just wanna keep everything inside of me but sometimes i wonder, do I have anyone to talk to, about my problems, will that someone accept who I am and understand me? You might say yes to all, but in reality, it doesn't go that way.

Everyone has a past and no one is exceptional. We are being a hypocrite to the world and even to ourselves. So how can we trust anyone if they're being dishonest to themselves too? Well, recently i asked my friend what she thinks about me as a friend, and i'm glad she tells me everything. That's what I need, realisation. To be honest, i feel lack of attention from my close friends. So i would do something to get their attention. Each time, things wouldn't last long so I gave up and start to think..Did i do my part as their "best" friend? Comparing to both of them, they really sacrifice a lot for each other..but what about me? Have i done anything for them? None.

I'm a spoilt brat. I'm used to people coming to me and embrace me with their loves. Therefore, i never understand the word of "sacrifice". And because of this, i've ruined everything and lost what i've gained. Here, i would like to apologize for what i've done and if i've hurt you before, I'm sorry.

I took advantages on people and trust me, i got my karma back as i'm suffering with great pain and remorse. I learned my lessons. I'm crawling back and waiting for the day where I could run with freedom. No guilt. No worries. Stop being dependent.